Dealing with the Guilt of Wanting More

lilacs; purple, oyster basket; vintage; loving cup.png

One of the greatest outcomes I’ve experienced through this process is learning that some of the best design choices for me are a lot more simplistic.  I always assumed that my perfect place had to look like a magazine cover. Now how many designers sell themselves saying, “Nope.  My house looks like it belongs in the September issue of Designs Gone Wrong.”  (For a laugh, watch my Facebook videos of my home walk-through, it’s a trip.). While I hyperbolize to make my point, the truth is that the things I thought would make me happy just didn’t.  And going through this discovery process allowed me to be okay with that realization, especially as a designer.  “You must have a beautiful house!” Well, the truth is that it’s still a work in progress.  I have a junk room, not just a junk drawer.  I still haven’t painted my living room or made my own drapes because, well, time.  All that aside, I now have a plan.  I know exactly what I’m going to do with the living room.  And for me, knowing is so freeing while I save up to bring the vision from my head into reality.  It means I am actually taking action on creating the perfect home for me. I know exactly how much I have to save, what to buy and when I can accomplish it.  Even the process of planning is bringing me as a person into fuller self-actualization because I am allowing myself to fully realize and believe that my goal is worthy, and I am worthy of all the joys and comfort the finished home will bring.

It is OK to love your home.  I’ll say it again - you can love your home and want to make it better.

 There is no shame in wanting improvements to your personal space.  Especially when those improvements create a space where you can be the best version of yourself that you can be.  


We have been taught to believe that we should be happy with what we have- that “stuff” doesn’t bring happiness.  We should be thankful for the brown shag rug in the den because other people don’t even have that!  But here’s the thing- it’s possible to be thankful for the mud brown carpet that hid the dirt and still go ahead and pull it up and have the floors underneath refinished.  It served its purpose, but now you know that the true beauty is underneath and uncovering that is only going to bring you joy.  We act like refinishing our original hardwood floors will turn us into shallow and petty, demanding creatures, Hell-bent on turning the rest of our place into some museum where no one can sit on the furniture and no glass shall rest without a coaster.  The truth is that we are who we are.   If you’re trying to better yourself by creating a safe and comfortable environment for yourself and those you spend time with, you can rest assured that your mindset is already programmed to be the same sweet soul regardless of your living space.  If you’re already a jerk, making home improvements will just leave you as a jerk with a nicer house.  I don’t know about you, but I know I’m not a jerk, so I’d rather give myself a chance to soar in a place designed especially for my soul.  

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Amanda Laurence