How to Deal With Jealous Energy

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Scrolling through social media is a great way to feel instant self-doubt or failure compared to others.  All of a sudden our pleasant day turns into gut-churning loathing towards those triumphant posts from experts with all the answers, and friends with the fairy-tale lives. We stew a little as the emotional mess wells up with no definitive direction for those overpowering and substantial feelings.

 Then we realize we really don’t resent their beautiful images, what we really feel is frustration at our own reaction towards intentionally curated lifestyles. Pictures that give us a small view into a much larger space only reveal what they intend to.  We have no idea what’s going on outside the frame of that image, both literally and figuratively.  And that’s what’s so powerful about them- we catch ourselves falling for the perfect photoscape, even though we know deep down that image is really like the tip of the iceberg, with all of the drama hidden.  For a moment we let ourselves believe that someone else has it all figured out, and so would we if our life just looked like that. That instant reaction from us is what good marketing strives for. That spark of jealousy with a touch of subconscious self-loathing sells a lot of product.  

I personally struggle with implementing these emotion-juggling, click-bait posts as a way to market my business, even though I know it drives “likes” and “followers”.  They feel fake to me and out of alignment with what I’m really trying to do for humanity. All I know how to do is be real, and be me. And

forcing picture-perfect online home lives upon the masses feels a lot like stuffing dirty laundry under the bed right before the guests arrive.

This is not to say that we should ignore beauty-  quite the opposite, actually. Behind the very design philosophy that I teach is that as human beings we have an innate need for beauty, and to be surrounded by it.  The key is discerning and recognizing that beauty for ourselves, not having beauty dictated to us.

When I start to feel that tug of jealousy towards what I call a “perfect life post” I find that I have to stop and regroup.  First, usually by writing or journaling to get to the heart of whatever is really triggering my negative reaction (this post being one of those times). Next, I take a slow walk around my house with a cup of tea. This does two things: 1. It forces me to take deep, calming breaths and notice my surroundings to get myself out of my own head, and 2. I start to recognize the beauty I’ve intentionally created around me and acknowledge that I can draw strength from my home- because that space is real. In other words, I’ve begun to specifically curate my home with spirituality-grounding, soul-nurturing items of deep joy that, while may also be lovely to others, only make spiritual sense to me.  

So I challenge us to take a serious stroll through our homes.  To notice, without judgment, what speaks to us, and why it strikes a positive or negative reaction within us.  Recognizing our own personal values reflected back to us through our items is the key to creating a home of strength and resilience. Conversely, when our values can’t be readily identified in the things we own, we can easily give ourselves permission to release them back to the Universe where that energy can be better served elsewhere. Rember, as Einstein told us, energy can’t be created or destroyed - just transferred.

What we are left with is a space where our souls live in tangible form, a home that  pulls us up out of those “if-onlys” and “what-ifs” when we need it most, changing that jealous energy into self-love.

Need more inspiration? Join my free Mindful Home Challenge here.


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Monique Becker